This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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