Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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