It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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