she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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