I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
