I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
