no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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