Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
