oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
