He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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