11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
