Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
