My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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