Screwed.edu
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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