Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
