2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
