maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Semen is not good for contacts.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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