Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
