3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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