I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You need a sexual gate keeper
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
