So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
