i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
