were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We smell like vodka and hangover
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