He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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