I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize