Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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