I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
