that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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