apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
