STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
