JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
