ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
