dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
