I'm going to rape someone's good day.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize