What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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