I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
