and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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