Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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