Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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