planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
