i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
