What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
