Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
