The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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