ADVERTISEMENT

• (541): View more from Oregon

  bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?

  Fav 19 1029 7376

  share tweet
  

• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.

  Fav 17 1315 5048

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?

  Fav 5 1074 3832

  share tweet
  

• (803): View more from South Carolina

  Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...

  Fav 76 2644 7126

  share tweet
  

• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.

  Fav 2 2878 1254

  share tweet
  

• (815): View more from Illinois

  I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?

  Fav 10 1000 1433

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco

  Fav 5 1001 879

  share tweet
  

• (210): View more from Texas

  Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.

  Fav 2 1037 648

  share tweet
  

• (317): View more from Indiana

  Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.

  Fav 4 1059 703

  share tweet
  

• (831): View more from California

  ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.

  Fav 2 698 556

  share tweet
  

• (562): View more from California

  I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"

  Fav 3 1121 523

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (909): View more from California

  Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬

  Fav 0 12 51

  share tweet
  

• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout

  Fav 0 46 11

  share tweet
  

• (850): View more from Florida

  You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?

  Fav 0 8 53

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (252): View more from North Carolina

  True college students do jello shots in the library

  Fav 0 48 7

  share tweet
  

Randomize