Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
