At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
