I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
