I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
