She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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