So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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