This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
