Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
