I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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