The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
