At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
