u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
